So, True Story. I Grew up in the suburbs of Chicago – There were a lot of great things about being in the midwest, one of which was the breakfast culture. Anyhow, we lived about 45 minutes away from a small diner, what I think most people would relate to as being a ‘ Greasy Spoon ‘ – While the food wasn’t all that great I remember always having a blast. Something about the regulars shooting the shit & the combination of cheap meat & sugar stickiness to everything delighted my pre-pubescent senses. Except, However, for one thing – A Minor detail to be sure but one that at the time terrified me & sill gives me pause

There was a small balcony above this eatery establishment, a widow’s peak or some such, a small nook in the roof just above the main entrance – This a place I always sort of thought of as having a main floor. And in this nook, keeping watch over the busy main road & not that far from the airport ( I Often wondered, as an adult, what the appeal of this place was for my father. We had plenty of places much closer that surely had equally bad food. But I digress ) Anyhow, in this nook there was a life sized ” Ape ” ( Obviously a cheap costume on a dress form ) It was waving in a cross between a cordial getting and a nazi salute. But the thing I found unnerving about it was that it was never explained, no – It was never even mentioned really. I went through a period of time where I would try my hardest not even to look at the cursed thing but it was an effort doomed to failure – I Always had to sneak a peak at those garish rubber lips, those outsized & fumbling giant rubber hands – As is the custom in ape costumes of the cheap & tawdry variety, this one also had very pronounced nipples & a vague suggestion of being pregnant.

Anyhow, Life went on I eventually got old enough to where I didn’t have to go to the diner any more. But I never forgot that ape. I Don’t think I ever will. I Wonder where it ended up